When You Change, Others May Not Like It One Bit.

When You Change, Others May Not Like It One Bit

I work with clients all the time who want to create change. I mean, that’s the reason they find a coach! They are not happy with elements of their personal life; business; parenting; relationship and so on, and they want to invest in becoming happier, more productive, more at ease and more successful.

This doesn’t mean doing more or becoming someone new.

Instead, it’s about letting go of who they think they ‘should’ be, and getting super-comfy in their own skin. And by this I mean your own skin. Not a skin you have to pull on like a wetsuit and can’t wait to peel off so you can breathe again.

This is the inner child work I do with my clients – you can read more about that here.

When someone is empowered to be fully themselves in their own skin, there WILL be push back from others.

Why?

Well, let’s just say you identify with being a people-pleaser.

People who tend to tirelessly and endlessly try to keep others happy will:
  • say yes to things they don’t want to do
  • put their hand up to help despite not having enough time already
  • avoid conflict at all costs because then someone might not like them
  • put their own needs (sleep; rest; time; respect; priorities; connection; etc) down the bottom of the laundry hamper while everyone else’s needs, wants and wishes are treated to a fold down service with a chockie on the pillow and room service.
So doesn’t it make a lot of sense that if they stop behaving like this ☝ that others may be less than happy?
  • If you’ve always gone along with whatever your partner wants to watch on tv or at the movies, but then suddenly start saying to want to watch a rom com or chick flick instead, chances are there’ll be a reaction (maybe not a pleasant one)
  • Perhaps you aren’t respected within the relationship on a consistent basis. If you then start to tell your partner that you’d like to be treated differently, and would like them to listen to your opinions, you might get a mouthful
  • Say you do the lion(ess)’s share of the housework and request that other members of the household start to contribute equally, you’re more than likely to hear some vocal protesting
  • Maybe you always drop everything for a friend who is never short of a drama, but you stop doing that they tell you that you don’t care about them anymore or you’re being selfish (oof, that one hurts hey..)

I tell my clients that if you are getting pushback when you start to practise taking care of your own needs; treating those needs as a priority and putting healthy boundaries in place for yourself, AND you get some flak for doing so, it doesn’t at all mean that you’re doing it wrong.

It just means you’ve changed. And you and them will either decide that you can work through it and find a way to have open and respectful conversations about how to do things differently, or maybe it won’t work and friendships or relationships will be lost along the way.

This can definitely be hard and sad, but at the end of the day, if you’re hanging out with people who want to keep you small but you want to grow and soar, it won’t be a match made in heaven.

Kylie x

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