How To Stop The Frustration of People Pleasing.

How to stop saying yes when I want to say no

Being a people-pleaser (saying ‘yes’ when you want to say ‘no’) is all about what you’ve learnt – it’s not who you are.

I mean, it’s not like being a dog-lover – that is never going to change, right?! And let’s be honest, who would even want it to?

But people-pleasing?  Meh – you can totally wave that sucker goodbye if you choose.

When you say yes to others, make sure you're not saying no to yourself.

‘How do I know if I’m a people-pleaser?’, I hear you ask?

Firstly, take a look at these questions below. If you find yourself mentally nodding in agreement, then chances are there’s some people-pleasing at play:

  • Do you make time in your calendar for a client or to help out a friend but time for yourself is a distant memory, if not long forgotten.
  • Are you worried people won’t like you (not your service) if you don’t go above and beyond to keep them happy? 
  • Do you tend to keep your prices on the low end and not fully value yourself and your service?
  • Can you have actual conversations about money with confidence and certainty or do you avoid these and hide behind fancy proposals and emails 
  • Do you have time for your family or are you constantly distracted and giving to others (hello, guilt).
  • Are you selective about who you work with or do you tend to say ‘yes’ to everyone and then regret it?
  • Are you constantly second-guessing yourself in terms of what someone might be thinking about you following an email you sent or a phone call you had?

People pleasing isn’t wrong. It is just likely to leave you feeling depleted; potentially resentful; frustrated and pretty damn hectic.  (And there may or may not be some snapping at partner / kids).

How To Stop Saying ‘Yes’:

  1. Consider if you would be ignoring your own needs to keep someone else happy. Consider if you can find a win-win in the arrangement but avoid putting other people’s needs above your own.
  2. Ask yourself if you really want to say ‘no’ in a particular situation. Buy yourself some time if you’re tempted to say ‘yes’ on the spot. Tell the person that you’ll check your calendar and come back to them – this stops the auto-pilot reaction.
  3. Ask yourself what the benefits of saying ‘no’ would be. This might be in terms of your schedule; your energy; your quality time with family; or your sanity!

Imagine being able to back yourself in terms of how you spend your time; have greater choice with who you work with (hello dream clients!); and feeling empowered to say ‘no’ without feeling guilty.

Top it off with being able to ease into making decisions based on what you want and need, not always making it about others.

Sounds about as delicious as a labrador puppy bounding in slow-mo, ears flopping up and down doesn’t it?!  

Head here to get in touch about how we can work together. 

(And if you need a quick puppy fix after those pooch references, here’s one right here. You’re welcome).

Kylie x

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