So many people feel like they need to be fixed so that their ‘problems’ can be resolved and go away.
But they don’t.
You don’t need fixing.
In actual fact, you have all the answers, clarity, solutions and everything else that you need. You don’t need to become a new person. Or get magically changed.
Rather, you might benefit from someone to help you to find these aspects of you that are already inside.
Let me give you an example:
I worked with Mary (not her real name) who was experiencing a range of challenges including:
- People pleasing
- Comfort eating under pressure, including an all or nothing approach to food
- Finding it hard to set healthy boundaries which meant she said ‘yes’ to everything; worked late; and found it hard to prioritise
- She never had one minute in the whole day for herself
- She was experiencing high levels of anxiety and stress
- Healthy habits were on the backburner which left her feeling sluggish, depleted and unhappy
- Resorting to alcohol to numb emotions she didn’t want to experience
- There were perfectionist tendencies and overthinking
- Mary had no time for the hobbies she loved
- Life felt like ‘all work and no play’
- And her relationship lacked connection and fun, which were important to her
With Mary, we worked on identifying the role she’d learnt to play (people pleaser and some others) from a young age.
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”– Brene Brown
We helped her to see how this had been working for her to:
- Get her through hard times;
- Succeed within her work
- Feel enough in the eyes of others
- Manage her sense of shame at not being enough, by feeling like she belonged and was loved
- Gave her the grit and determination to keep going
However, this was no longer working out for Mary.
She wanted to let go of the role and connect with:
- Who she was beneath that
- Her identity, separate to the role that tried to keep everyone else happy
It’s a bit like the onion metaphor – peeling off the outer skin.
She didn’t need to ‘fix’ the people pleaser role. She didn’t need to become a new person.
In fact, what Mary actually needed was an understanding of why she had started people pleasing. She needed to know that it was a survival mechanism of sorts. By doing this, it helped her to have compassion for herself, instead of experiencing judgement and dislike.
Coaching helped Mary to connect with her true self:
- She was able to intuitively know what would make her happy and to feel fulfilled; energised; on purpose; creative; fun; and feel free to ‘be me’.
- Being a people pleaser was no longer part of her identity. We didn’t throw out the old and bring in a new version – V2.0.
Yes, maybe you’re a business owner, a mum, a wife, a sister, a daughter.
But even more than that – you are YOU and there’s nothing to be fixed. You already have everything you need inside right now.
I’m guessing you could just potentially benefit from some help to unlearn the people pleasing (or other roles) and know how to connect with YOU.
If you’d like to find out how we can work together 1:1 to help you to do exactly that in a personalised, very safe and supportive space, I offer a Complimentary 45 mins Clarity Session. You can click here to arrange that.
If you’re still not sure if you’re a people pleaser, you can take a self-audit here: How to Stop People-Pleasing (and Still Be Nice).Tags: Authenticity Inner child Mindset Coaching people pleasing people-pleaser transformational coaching