Are you selfish?
‘NO! I am NOT selfish!’, I hear you say.
It’s like the worst thing I could say to you, right?!
But do you know what? I think you could do with being MORE selfish. AND not feeling guilty about it.
Let me share a little story with you:
Recently, I’ve been watching the new series of Queer Eye on Netflix – if you haven’t seen it it’s like a makeover show with heart. They renovate the house and business; the hair; the wardrobe and ‘culture’ – which is more tapping into identity / limiting beliefs / worthiness. Y’know – the mindset.
A couple of the episodes I watched had the same theme:
- An entrepreneur who is literally on their ‘edge’ – fragile; emotional (I’m talking crying constantly); burnt out.
- They have a business that is making an impact for good in the world. They are passionate about it – SUPER-passionate!
- BUT: they have NO idea how to look after themselves. They don’t have any time away from the biz; don’t know how to practise self-care; they don’t delegate or accept help.
- They have decided they need to focus on others to the detriment of themselves. From the woman with the 170 rescue animals plus a family (and pigs sleeping in her home!) to the baker who was making everything herself AND doing everything else in the business.
- They had determined that they couldn’t possibly step away from the business because people NEEDED them.
It’s not sustainable. They’d passed burnout a LONG time ago, I’m guessing, but just kept going (like someone who was trying to commando crawl but their arms were no longer functioning – it kind of ends up like a face plant in the mud)..
And it reminded me of what can so easily happen to entrepreneurs (and of course people in general!)
I don’t see people who are that burnout, but I see women all the time who are heading for burnout.
Because they NEVER take time for themselves.
They don’t take care of themselves with the same passion in which they take care of others.
They don’t restore their energy – apart from when they get sick or are forced to.
And let me tell it to you straight: you are not helping your clients or your children or your partner or your friends (and whoever else you want to ‘be there for’) as much as you could, if you are not being resourcefully SELFISH.
Where you think about what your own needs are (nutrition; movement / exercise; sleep; relaxation (yoga / meditation / a walk / sitting out in nature / having your cuppa in peace).
Where you don’t cross your own boundaries (like when you decide THIS is the year where you’re going to nurture yourself.
And then you cancel the walk you had planned to fit in someone or something else within the first week back at work. Sound familiar?)
When I say ‘resourcefully’ it means taking responsibility for yourself. Nobody else is going to do it for you. It MUST come back to you. You need to be able to ‘find a way’, even if you’re busy or stressed or having demands placed on you.
The opposite of this is being unresourcefully selfish, where you:
- are being a victim
- focus on your excuses, instead of how to get it done
- spend your time and efforts on the problem and not the solution
- blame others people or circumstances for your situation;
- keep finding excuses.
Being resourcefully selfish means knowing there is always a choice.
Yes, your calendar is full.
I know, you have 3 kids.
I get that you’re tired.
And someone does have to cook or organise dinner if you’re going to eat tonight (but it doesn’t always have to be you!)
AND… there are choices!
- Get up 10mins earlier or block out your calendar at a consistent time each day for a walk around the block.
- Get off social media and your phone, apart from when it’s essential.
- Ask for help from someone you trust
It’s time to realise, if you don’t already (and if you do – AWESOME!) that you must be the biggest priority in your own life! Why wouldn’t you be selfish when it’s YOUR LIFE?
I am not able to be the best coach / mum / wife / friend / daughter / etc if I don’t workout; get enough sleep; eat nourishing foods and manage my mindset via practices that support that (getting out in nature; walks at the beach – don’t have a beach? Go to a park!; meditation etc).
Is it perfect? Nope, but it’s pretty good now because I built up over time and I wasn’t afraid to be a beginner again.
Don’t start with everything – start with ONE thing.
One small, teeny thing. One incredibly easy thing that is a no-brainer.
Clients ALWAYS think too big when they’re considering new habits. It’s human nature – we want to aim big and succeed bigger. But you want to focus on running a long race, not a short one.
My tip? Don’t aim for 20 mins of something new, or a massage once a month (well you can, but make sure it’s sustainable!).
Aim for 5 mins.
Can you fit 20 mins into your morning routine without fail if you’re currently doing nothing for yourself? Probably not.
Can you fit in 5 mins? Yes you can, my friend! Or as they love to say in Queer Eye: YESSS QUEEN!
So my question for you is this:
Where do you want to choose to be more resourcefully selfish? Pick ONE area, make it easy as pie to achieve and build those wins. And then decide who else will benefit when you are resourcefully selfish. Clients? Family? Friends? Your business’ sustainability?
In the words of L’Oreal? You’re worth it, my lovely. And if you need help, just reach out and ask me.
You might like to check out my last Blog post on The 4 Types of Decision Making & Which is Best for Business
And Tortoise Trumps Hare Every Time all about the power of small, incremental steps over big ones that quickly get ditched.Tags: beliefs burnout Mindset Coaching self worth success mindset