Why Reaching Your Goals Isn’t Going To Make You Happy.

Do you ever wonder what you’re doing wrong when you hit your goals but still don’t feel good?

Last week I was off facilitating a 3 day mindset retreat for entrepreneurs at the luxurious Summer House Retreat on the stunning Surfcoast in Victoria.

We hadn’t been able to hold one for 2 years, because of the spicy flu (rolls eyes), so it was absolutely incredible to get back in person and immerse for 3 days with the fabulous women who came along (#grateful)

One of the activities we did on Day 1 was goal setting.

But, unlike many coaches and mentors, I never get my clients to start setting goals or intentions without uncovering something else that is hugely important first (and you can take this tip and apply it to your situation too):

It involves getting crystal clear on what you want to be experiencing.

What would truly, madly, deeply light you up to be experiencing on an ordinary day – one you don’t need a break from; one where you’re not on holidays sipping espresso martinis somewhere. 

One where you wake up filled with anticipation at what you get to do.

A week that fulfils and inspires you and gives you energy, instead of sapping it.

A life that makes you want to pinch yourself because it is blooming perfect for you. Not perfect for anyone else – just perfect for you.

Nobody else knows what this perfectly imperfect ideal life is but you. Nobody else can give you the formula. Nobody can ‘teach’ you what it is. No strategy for business success or life lessons will give you this.

Only you know what it is. Someone else can tell you what seem like 100 great ideas – logically, they make sense. But maybe living them doesn’t feel joyous to you.

So you have to uncover this ideal day / week / life. Trust me when I say, the knowledge of what this is already lives within you, like a cellular recognition.

But when you’re surrounded by the endless noise of life; second guessing yourself and what the ‘right’ thing to do is (any perfectionists out there?) and putting your trust in what you need outside of you (eg hoping others will tell you and seeking opinions), it will remain elusive.

The trick is in getting quiet. In getting curious. In listening to the whispers and nudges that you hear and feel, but usually ignore or don’t notice.

It’s entering the land of possibility, where anything can happen.

It’s letting go of HOW it will happen and getting in touch with WHAT it is in the first place.

It’s giving yourself permission to have it, and trusting in the process – that it has already happened. Because when you do this, you get to experience it as if has already happened.

You get to see your life through the eyes of the future you who has this already.

You can hear what’s going on around you.

You tap into what you’re telling yourself.

And you connect with how this whole thing feels.

Which means you’re already creating new neural pathways that weren’t there before, because you’re putting yourself in the shoes of the version of you who is experiencing this already. Make sense?

This whole process can also be called manifestation: gaining clarity on what you want; experiencing it as if it has already happened; and then letting go of the how.

Then from there, we set goals. I wonder if you can notice what would be different if you did it this way?

The goals become highly aligned, and the way that you set them will feel so much more energising and light, compared to big burdensome goals that can feel overwhelming and heavy.

And, you guessed it, this is where one of 2 things happens: 

  1. You don’t achieve the goal because it feels too hard and you pretty much drop it (hello NYE goals) or 
  2. You do achieve it but it doesn’t make you feel good, even though you thought it would. 

Which sucks, right?! 

So what happens next? 

Well, most likely you just set another goal, thinking there’s something MORE that needs to happen for you to feel content – but it’s not that. 

It’s the fact that the goal was never aligned in the first place. And so you don’t even celebrate achieving the goal even though maybe you slogged your guts out to make it happen. Why? Because it just doesn’t feel that good.

If you can relate to this, have a go at working out what your ideal day and week looks like before you even think about what your goals are.

And if you’d like help with that, my next retreat is mid-September – only 4 spots available so jump in fast (you can apply here if you’re keen), or read more here.

Love your work!

Kylie x


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