Where do you sit on the scale of knowing what other people’s needs are and helping them to meet those needs, versus looking after your own needs?
I think many of us are great at being attuned to what our clients need and how to help them. That might sometimes look like attempting to ‘fix’ things.
But how well are you taking care of your own needs? It’s important to focus on both.
Why?
Failure to consider and follow through on looking after what you need will create a significant, negative impact:
- Yes, your clients will love you for all the ways you help them. But they’ll also be getting a depleted version of you- one who’s eternally tired, and potentially emotional and your ideas and support will inevitably take a hit
- If you’re overly focused on your clients’ needs, you’re likely to also experience resentment and annoyance by being a bit (or a lot) of a pushover and over giver
- You may go over the top in terms of generosity in an attempt to deliver exceptional service. That might translate to giving more time to something than it really warrants; offering timeframes for work completion that are unrealistic; and maybe discounting your offers as well.
- You won’t speak up when something isn’t right or when a client is overstepping what’s included for fear of experiencing conflict or being perceived as ‘difficult’. This will again lead to resentment, simmering emotions and a lot of inner dialogue on what you could/should/or might have said or done, but didn’t.
- You can’t have a healthy self-esteem and a sense of self-worth if you don’t consider your own needs to be valid and worthy. This will come across to clients in a way that may lead them to doubt that you’re the right fit for them to work with. That self-doubt can be felt even when it can’t be seen.
One of the signs that your boundaries are effective is that you have boundaries with yourself that you stick to, as well as boundaries with others. That means knowing what your needs are so that your boundaries align with these as well as with your values, so that you’re taking congruent action.
Examples of your needs could be:
- A need for rest and recovery
- The need to have time alone to recalibrate and come back to yourself
- A need for support from others and not trying to do everything solo
- Feeling respected and appreciated
I used to be:
- Terrible at taking care of my own needs
- Tried to fix situations where uncomfortable emotions were present- hello toddler meltdowns- in an attempt to make my kids feel better but also myself (it felt too much to keep feeling)
- Have pretty non-existent boundaries
- Very much focused on others
Studying to become a coach required me to learn how to change this so that I could:
- Become aware of what I needed and deeply believe that I was worthy of having my needs met
- Create effective boundaries not just with others but with myself as well
- Have tough conversations instead of avoiding them and bottling it all up; and
- Align my actions with my values.
When I learnt about Human Design I discovered the framework for WHY I found big emotions so challenging.
I have an undefined solar plexus which is the emotional centre, so I naturally amplify and can take on the emotions of others. (You can look up your chart here and then check out this diagram of the centres so you know which one I’m referring to: the ‘Emotions’ centre, and can take note of whether it’s also white aka undefined or not).

I learnt that I’m the only one in our household with this centre undefined (white), which suddenly made sense. It explained:
- Why my husband wasn’t nearly as ‘bothered’ by it all (he’s the opposite on his Human Design chart)
- Why the way my kids were feeling set the emotional tone of the household (they are also the opposite)
- Why I loved ‘me time’ because I could shake off the emotions of others.
If you’re naturally attuned (or you’ve learnt to be good at) taking care of the needs of others, that’s awesome! And how about how well you take care of yourself?
Being sensitive to others and what they need and holding space for them doesn’t mean that you have to abandon yourself to do so.
I believe you can’t truly be 100% focused on being in service to your clients if you are ignoring your own needs.
Because you’ll be looking at it through the lens of experiencing approval, avoiding conflict and striving to please at all costs. Which is unlikely to serve your client best.
It can also feel HARD to start to change this stuff after a lifetime of doing something else.
So give yourself grace. Be compassionate. AND be brave enough to look at the reality of your situation and if it’s holding you back from being at your best in your business, parenting, relationships, work, health or something else, then do something about it.
Here’s an extra little fun fact if you’re into it (if not, let it go):
The Sun transits a different gate (the little numbers on your chart) every 6 days. This provides a particular energy that we all feel: you, me, our clients, team members, family etc. It can be helpful to tune into this because it’s something we’re all feeling, whether we realise this consciously or not.
The current transit is Gate 19 which relates to needs. That’s why it’s the perfect time to reflect on what you need and whether you’re taking good care of your own needs, or only focused outwards on others. It’s also healthy to check in with yourself about whether you’re attempting to fix emotional situations so that they go away, rather than being brave and having difficult conversations. Because, let’s face it, you’re sitting with the energy of *not* having these if you avoid them, so it’s better to just be done with it so you can move forward.
Are you good at taking care of what you need and having tough conversations? If not, what needs to change so you can show up as the best version of yourself in your business and life as a whole? Small, consistent steps can move you a long way.
If you’d like to learn more about how Human Design can provide a framework to help you thrive in business AND life, subscribe to my newsletter (below) to get information on how to decode your Design.
Or book a 1:1 Human Design for Business session for personalised, practical and powerful insights that will change everything about the way you approach business- for the better. Not to mention gives you the tools, awareness and know-how to dramatically unlevel every area of your life.
Kylie x
Tags: Human Behaviour