Do you ever enter “negotiation mode” with yourself?
(This is where the boundaries with yourself are about to get overstepped.)
You know the one.
That version of you that really wants to take the easy option. And sounds so convincing when you’re tired, depleted, or just a bit over it.
I had one of those mornings recently. A mostly sleepless night (thanks to some very boring but real-life reasons), and then a 5.25 am alarm for my regular Pilates class.
Cue: Negotiator Mode activated.
“How about you just go to the 7 am class instead of 6 am? You’ll get a bit more sleep. No big deal.”
Tempting, right?
Except … I hate going to the 7 am class. It throws my whole day off. There’s still hair to wash (hello, #hotclass), kids stuff, the dog walk. Life.
Skipping movement altogether? Also not ideal.
I’ve learnt over the years that Monday workouts matter for me. They set the tone for the week—focused, intentional, energised. So unless I’m sick or injured, I stick to that commitment. And not forgetting the personal trainer that used to say ‘never miss a Monday’. It’s stuck in my head forever.
Here’s a mantra I use often (shoutout to my Pilates instructor for this one):
Push when you can. Pull back when you need.
I also add my own personal extra: Don’t be a hero.
(That one’s aimed at the version of me with the open Ego centre in Human Design, who still sometimes wants to attempt to prove she’s superhuman and 30, instead of menopausal and over 50).
Because here’s the thing…
Boundaries with yourself can be the hardest of all. There’s no one else to enforce them. Just you. And your intention. So, how do I hold the line? I always come back to this:
Is this decision aligned with my values?
Or am I working against what matters to me?
Let’s say your value is health and wellbeing.
- Skipping a workout because you’re injured? Aligned.
- Skipping because you’re sick and need rest? Still aligned.
- Skipping because you just can’t be stuffed? Not so aligned.
The same goes for business.
If your boundary is to close the laptop at 6 pm:
- Are you working later because you’ve got a big deadline and you planned for it? Great. That’s alignment.
- Or are you crossing your own boundary again because you didn’t stop earlier, or didn’t want to deal with something uncomfortable?
You’ll feel off when you’re out of alignment.
So, next time you’re tempted to negotiate with yourself, ask:
Who’s making this decision- my highest self, or my sleepy/stressed-out/ ‘just this once’ self?
You already know the answer. And I promise, when you stay aligned with your values, you will never regret it.
The ultimate hack is to avoid negotiating. Just don’t do it. Make a plan:
- Whether that’s to finish work at 6 pm;
- Get up at 6.30 am;
- Go for a run, walk, meditation, or class
- Go to bed and read at 9.30 pm instead of scrolling
Don’t negotiate on when, how, if etc. Just do it. Once the negotiator enters the conversation, it’s all over, no matter how much you pretend it’s not.
What boundary with yourself do you keep crossing, and how is that clashing with your values? Take a moment to identify what you want to do instead and make a different choice next time. Your future self will thank you.
If you find yourself people pleasing, self-sabotaging and struggling with boundaries with yourself and others, I’m your gal. Book a 90-minute Human Design Strategy Session and discover how your design helps you take back control instead of handing your power away.
Or for a personalised and deeply transformational option, book a 30 mins Clarity Call to find out more about private coaching.
