Being an imperfect woman

Back when I started my biz, the book Book Yourself Solid by Michael Port was recommended to me.

One of the tasks in there was to send an email to 5 (or more – haha, nice try) people from different areas of my life and ask them to list my top 5 personality traits or quirks.

Although I found it very uncomfortable, I did it and I still remember seeing the responses come in.

People told me I was kind; passionate; funny and caring. I can’t remember all of them but these were the ones that overlapped.

With full transparency, these were all family and friends and so were potentially very biased – I couldn’t bring myself to ask clients!

I’ve since used it as an exercise with some clients, especially if they’re early in business and experiencing self-doubt. And each time they’ve been blown away by what comes back, especially because I get them to ask clients or peers as well.

There’s a great quote in the book that goes like this:

‘Remember that your work is doomed to fail if you don’t love it and share it with the world. And here’s the biggie: when you’re fully self-expressed, you will love marketing’.

I was reminded of this little exercise recently, and it got me thinking about how fully self-expressed I am.
I would like to think it’s pretty high, but if I’m truly honest with myself, there are whole chunks of my life that I don’t share.
Like the frequency at which it’s 5pm on a weeknight (like it literally is as I write this) and I truly have no idea what I’m giving the kids for dinner. Aside from knowing that there’s some chicken I can use 😂

I mean, it’s honest! It’s true.

But it’s also not something I feel compelled to share because:

– Shouldn’t I be more organised? (I can just hear the ‘yes you should!’)

– Shouldn’t I have nailed this by now seeing my kids are nearly 14 and 12?

– Isn’t that what a ‘good mother’ does?

– Will I be judged (god forbid a mum isn’t perfect – but the irony is that none of us are!)

– Last week (which WAS unusual ok?! 😅) my kids had homemade pizza on Monday night and nuggets and oven chips on Tuesday night).
And I am not chomping at the bit to share that with you on socials or even here. But… maybe I should (I am!) Because I am not perfect, and different things have different priorities for me. Clearly being organised for dinner isn’t one of them! And life isn’t all beach walks (although that is a big part lol).

What I ALSO know to be true is this:

– There is at least one person who will read this and feel less alone

– I pretty much ONLY follow / listen to podcasts / seek mentors who are real and honest and share what could be perceived as ‘failings’ but they are just openly ok about it!

Brene Brown‘s tagline is ‘stay awkward, brave and kind’ and I think – I can do that! I can easily be awkward, especially with small talk! (how bad is small talk?!)

I’m not a massive follower but I love that Jessica Rowe calls herself the Crap Housewife and shares what she’s dishing up for dinner (which is usually something burnt!), while getting round in a onesie!

I think people are tired of seeing others who seemingly have it all together and all worked out and thinking they’re failing in some way.

I believe (especially women) are tired of the pressure to be incredible at everything.

And I’m even more determined to be ‘fully self-expressed’ because that is who I am.
I’m fully getting behind that and knowing that all of my quirks and aspects of myself that maybe have felt ‘less than’ or ‘not good enough’ are what make me ME, and that is something to embrace deeply.
I also feel a responsibility to do so. Life is not all Insta selfies with a filter and an amazing backdrop. So let’s stop pretending it is. And if you’re also the face of your brand, where else could you show the ‘real you’, not just the highlight reel.
I wonder if you can relate? I wonder if there are aspects of your life where you feel less than. Where you compare yourself to other women and find yourself lacking. The areas you would rather cover up, gloss over or just ignore completely.
So to come back to the beginning, I invite you to ask yourself:

1. What is truly FABULOUS about you?

– What would your partner say; your kids; the dog if it could talk; your clients; good friends (not the ones who are jealous or keep you small).

– Why do people buy from you?

– Why do they want to hang out with you?

– What do YOU love about you and what is UNIQUE to you?

Write a list (and if there’s only a handful of things on it, it’s a sure sign you could benefit from some focus in this area).

And / or choose to send the email (just make sure you tell someone you’re going to do it, so they keep you accountable or I guarantee you’ll never send it!)

2. What unique parts of YOU are you not sharing with the world?
Feel into what’s holding you back from doing that. What is the fear or limiting belief? And what if you didn’t need to hold onto that anymore?
Mine was around the fear of not being good enough (something I thought I’d worked through to death, but here it was again!
As we hit different levels within our business, we can have new challenges that are based on beliefs we thought we’d ‘dealt with’, damn it! Luckily I can work through this within a few days now via the tools and techniques I have at my disposal – plus coaching! But it can still suck)
We ALWAYS do this with kindness and compassion to ourselves, not berating and judging ourselves.

If you’d like some help unlocking this in you, or overcoming the inevitable limiting beliefs and stories that exist around this, I’m here to help. Just get in touch. I don’t do this work by myself and nor do you need to – check out my upcoming Mindset Retreat or contact me about private coaching.

Well, that’s it from me. Now let me go turn the oven on…
Kylie x