The Hand Brake Effect

Years ago when I was a pretty inexperienced driver, I was heading downhill towards a roundabout with a Mercedes slowing to a halt in front of me, and my brakes failed.

There I was, applying the brakes in my Laser hatchback with the Merc getting closer and closer, but I was continuing at the same speed.

In a panic, I pulled on the handbrake.  Which did the trick!  It probably wasn’t great for the car but you know, desperate times…

And I learned then that we can use emergency tactics as a one-off, but to continue to apply them on a consistent basis, is a recipe for disaster.  If that became my strategy for driving, I have no doubt my car would have quickly fallen apart.

Many people think that talking about masculine and feminine energies is a bit ‘woo woo’ or else think that ‘I’m a bloke, I’ve got masculine energy’. Or ‘I’m a woman, I’ve got feminine energy’. But actually everyone has both of these energies within them.

We can either be using these to help us to move towards a common goal and have them more unified. Or often they can be in conflict and working against each other, leaving us feeling exhausted and stuck and not knowing why.

When the masculine and the feminine are really united and working together in more harmony, we can have a lot less internal turmoil. We can feel really aligned and like the actions that we’re taking are purposeful and we feel very supported because we are giving the masculine and the feminine energies what they need.

However, if we don’t do that you can expect that handbrake to come on, which is the feminine energy bringing everything to a grinding halt.  This is when we get sick or burnt out or take extended leave.

How do you know if your masculine and feminine energies are united or in opposition?  

One of the most common things that happens is that we get busy ‘getting stuff done’ at work or in business.  But the piece that is often missing is allowing the feminine energy to rest; to take time out; to feel understood.  To use her intuition and trust this.  

Have you ever had the experience of knowing intuitively that something or someone wasn’t a good fit (maybe a mentor; partner or job role) but ignoring that intuition and carrying on.  Only to acknowledge months (or even years) later that you had known this all along and it just wasn’t working.  

The masculine can get resentful of what he perceives to be the ‘lazy’ feminine, and not feel appreciated for all his hard efforts.

But when we get the masculine and feminine working together, realising that they actually have the same purpose and outcome in mind but with different approaches, this can give the most powerful results.  

In a Retreat that I ran in February of this year, we focused on the masculine and feminine energies for women in business. They were all female business owners who were also mums, and never had any time for themselves. 

They worked all day and then got home late and ran the kids around, made dinner and so on, and had absolutely no time for themselves in the whole day. Maybe you can relate too? 

These participants had the opportunity to immerse in an experience where they learnt how to connect with the feminine energy, by giving themselves permission to stop, rest, experience and receive that connection.

Here’s 3 ideas to help you moving forwards:

  1. Ask yourself how often you allow yourself to truly rest?  If the answer is ‘never’, you know that the feminine is probably getting ignored, or seen as too ‘needy’.
  2. Incorporate ONE thing for you per day that only takes 5 minutes.  A 5 minute meditation; 5 mins just focusing on your breath; 5 mins sitting with a cup of tea without looking at your phone or other distractions.
  3. Allow whatever comes up when you do this.  If you can’t relax and your brain won’t switch off, let that be ok.  If you feel anxious and jittery, that’s ok.  If you feel stressed that you’re not being productive, that’s just fine.  If you feel annoyed or guilty, that also is perfect.  The point isn’t to make any or all of these things wrong.  The practice is to allow them to be present without judgement.

Kylie x


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